The Crud

2 Ear Infections
Upper Respiratory Infection
Bronchitis

That's what the doc says I have...I'm now on 3 meds and hopefully I'll be back to "normal" soon!

Day 2 without Adam

Day 2 of being home with kids by myself has been really hard.  Parker has definitely been testing my patience all day.  At some point all three of us have shed a tear or two.  I am blessed that Riglee is such a good baby.  Maybe one day I'll get the hang of being a mom of two - but today isn't that day...

Hectic

It has been a crazy week to say the least.  We found out Saturday morning that my Grandfather passed away.  We have spent the majority of the week with my family.  It was good to see aunts, uncles and cousins that I haven't seen in years.  It was also great that Court and Crick were able to fly in to be with us (even though they had to make crazy sacrifices - one had to fly from utah to houston to austin and drive the four hours because it was cheaper to do that and the other had to fly from chicago to houston to lake charles because it was the cheaper way as well).  My sister and her three kids came down and stayed at my house and it was so good to spend time with them before they move even further away. 

At the funeral, I cried.  I'm not really sure.  I don't really feel like it was the sadness - I'm not sure what it was - a few tears were dropped as the Eulogy was being given and then several tears were shed as my brother talked about Christ and how we can all return to be with him one day.  This particular brother showed more emotion than I was ever expecting.  He's the tough guy, never sick, lets things roll off his back, but I could see that he was getting a little emotional. 

In the middle of all of this, I had my Gestational test.  It's hard to believe I'm 28 weeks.  The range is 65-139 and my number that the test got was 162.  A little high, but not as high as my personal meter got - I checked it right before and right after they took my blood.  One reading I got was 196 and the other was 193.  Good to know that my meter is still a good 30 points off.  (do you sense the sarcasm??)

I now get to do the three hour test which I am not looking forward to, but I'll do whatever I have to do to keep this baby healthy. 

Dang Smokers

I don't understand why people think it's okay to break a law and smoke right outside the door of a building.  I mean a law is a law and I guess because police don't enforce it, people don't care.  However, When a pregnant lady, 3 kids (an infant, toddler and young kid), and a nursing mom walk outside with their families, why do they then insist on blowing it towards them? 

I think it is stupid and immature.  When we walk out of a store, like Wal-Mart, and there are people smoking right by the door, Adam usually says very loudly that he can't stand when people stand right next to the door to smoke. 

Last night we went to dinner with friends and when we walked outside, two ladies were standing outside giving directions to someone on the phone.  We stood there and were talking and all of a sudden I got a wiff of their smoke and thought I was going to be sick.  One of our friends spoke up and said that it was against the law to stand that close to a bldg and smoke and the ladies told him it wasn't and then started blowing it right towards us. 

I suppose they did it in retaliation of the friend getting onto them, but when you see young kids and a pregnant lady there, have some consideration.  Is that too much to ask???

Dear Verizon and Blood Sugar

Dear Verizon,
Why do you have to make my life difficult?  I had to get a new phone in May because mine broke.  I had to get another in August because the replacement broke.  Then I had to get one a week ago because the replacement for the replacement broke.  (That's 4 so far)  Then that one broke the day I got it.  So you send me a totally different brand and model that is comprable to the one I had.  I got it in the mail and so far it's been great. 

However, today I get an email from you telling me that you are charging me the $9.99 for the Data Plan.  When the guy told me he was sending me a totally different phone, I asked him if I would be charged and he assured me that I would be.  So I call you today right after receiving the letter and the lady tells me my phone won't work without me paying for the data plan.  Yeah the internet won't work (actually it will I will just have to pay per megabyte) but I will still be able to make calls, receive calls, send texts and receive texts.  That's all I need my phone to do.  When I asked to speak to the supervisor she told me that she would put one on the phone but never did.  She told me that she couldn't take that off my bill because it wouldn't allow her to do it.  Not 3 or 4 minutes later after being on hold she told me the reason I wasn't paying is being I was grandfathered.  You see - they started charging the $9.99 for the phone I had after I had gotten it, so I didn't have to pay for it.  She told me I wasn't grandfathered for this one.  It's not my fault my phone broke and you sent me a new one.  So she finally said - This is your replacement phone (which should be on my account in front of her right?? it should tell her that...) and then put me on hold again. 

She came back and said I'm sorry.  I'll take that off your phone right away and if you get on the internet you will be charged per megabyte. 

Read your notes Verizon before you tell the customer they are wrong and you can't do something.  At least she was very polite and nice the whole time... UGH

-Kimberly


 Around noon toady - I realized I hadn't eaten anything and was getting pretty hungry so Parker and I shared two bowls of delicious Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  It was so dang good!!  Around 2 o'clock - just after all the Verizon crap I explained above I checked my sugar and it was 145 - HOLY COW!  They do say stress increases your sugar, but still.  I drank about 6 oz of Mountain Dew Throwback (great stuff!!) and got up to go sweep the kitchen floor and start cleaning the bathroom.  I scrubbed all the counters in the bathroom, the mirrors, the sink and the top of the tub (it's a garden tub you see so it has a huge lip around it).  I still need to do the inside of the tub, toilet, shower and floor - ugh I hate that part!!!  But I decided to go check my blood sugar again and it was down to 94!!!  So either the 145 was an error, or by cleaning a little, my stress level dropped (even after mountain dew - it should have gone up with that stuff!!).

I am super excited that so far with Baby #2 no gestational diabetes has shown up.  I continue to pray every day that I will remain healthy throughout this pregnancy and that gestational diabetes will stay away!  :)

I'm a Total Dork

Last night I washed a cookie sheet, pizza pan and cutting board by hand and put them in the oven to dry.  I know what you are going to say...Don't ever put something in the oven that can't go in there...

Well I knew that I would check the oven before I turned it on again...hahaha yeah right!!
I turned the oven on today to preheat it to make dinner and a little while later I started smelling something.  It finally clicked that I put that cutting board in there.  I opened the oven and got it out as fast as I could and took it out.  It was too late!  It had already melted some.  Luckily I had the cookie sheet underneath it so it wasn't that bad of a mess.  Adam came home just about then and cleaned everything up for me.  The house no longer smells like burnt plastic and the oven is totally cleaned out now.  I still cooked dinner at my grandma's tonight just it case though!

Check out the pictures of the burnt cutting board...

Two sides were hanging over the pan and that's where it was melting. This is the bottom side...

No Good When We are Both Sick

Adam started feeling a lil under the weather Wednesday night as we headed to bed. I woke up Thursday feeling a lil under the weather myself. Needless to say we both stayed on the couches all day and did nothing. (I won't go into any detail for all of you how sick we really were - but let me just say you don't want whatever is going around and you wouldn't have wanted to be us.)

Mom ran to the store for us and picked up 7up, crackers and Powerade. I think I was finally able to take a sip or two of 7up around 6pm last night but I didn't want anything to do with food. Poor Parker had been eating Cheerios and Goldfish all day (not that he minds).

Mom came back to the rescue and picked up Parker to feed him dinner for us. I felt bad that I couldn't take care of Parker. I don't like not being able to take care of my little boy. She kept him about 3 hours for us and I slept while he was gone. Luckily we have a good little boy that plays well and doesn't need us to entertain him! If it had only been me sick or just Adam sick, we probably could have taken care of him. But since it was both of us it was a little hard. Thanks Mom and Uncle Matt and Aunt Squirt and whoever else helped with Parker!

Luckily The House Didn't Burn Down!

This is what it looks like when your electrical box outside is old and melted! Needless to say we had to get a new one!
We noticed the lights flickering like crazy! Who knew that it was the box outside until Adam was tired of me complaining about the lights dimming and flickering.

Exhausted!

I am not too sure why I am so tired tonight....

Could it be that for 3 days straight I have been cutting out tiny pieces for file folder quiet books I am making for Parker?

Could it be that Parker has hardly napped the past few days and still stays up late (I'm talking ten, eleven, maybe even twelve o'clock)?

Could it be that I've had family in town and wanted to spend as much time with them as possible?

Could it be that I helped (or not so much) my mom feed the stake presidency and their wives and a few extras tonight?

I don't know what it is, but I have been busy doing all of the above and still trying to keep a clean house etc. It is so hard to keep a clean house with a one year old. I came home tonight to cheerios all over the living room floor, dirty clothes of Parker's on the floor and couch, toys everywhere...the floor, the couch, under the couch, thrown over the child's gate...., sippy cups everywhere. Would you be able to guess that his dad watched him here at home and that is part of the reason for the clutter? Adam is really good about cleaning up and helping me pick up (a lot of times it is because I initiate it, but hey the fact that he is helping, I'll take).

I feel like clutter just gathers everywhere in my house and it drives me crazy. I hate clutter. I get tired of looking at it. I don't want to see it, etc. So a lot of things get thrown away around this house if you aren't careful.

I have nothing else to say and don't really remember what I've said! I am going to bed! Good Night Blogging World.

So Much Work

I now know why I never changed my email address when I got married. It is such a hassle, to transfer over your emails, your contacts, your reader, changing your address on everything, etc. That's all I have done all day and I am not done yet! I will never change my email address ever again!

Organization...

I am always trying to figure out how to better organize our house. The living room especially because that is the room that most people see. I used to keep my cedar chest next to the tv full of blankets and it was working fine there until our dvd player bit the dust. It was a tiny, thin, square one so it fit perfect in our tiny tv stand with all of our dvds and wii games. When we went to go find another one, all we could find was a big skinny one. It is probably the same thickness of the other one, but about 2 1/2 times longer. Our movies no longer fit so perfect in our little tv stand. So I found this at Target....

So far it is working out perfect.
Two have all of our wii games, controllers and other wii accessories.
Three keep our dvds nice and neat. (I haven't put them in any order yet, so they are all different directions and no specified genre.)
One keeps my crap in it...pens, notepads, chargers, the bow Parker ripped off one of my decorative pillow, etc.

One is for all of Parker's junk...diapers, wipes, lotion, etc. (and yes those are pampers diapers and huggies wipes. Pampers diapers work the best for Parker and I like huggies wipes the best!)
One for now is still empty, but it may store more of Parker's diapers since only about 5 fit in the basket with the wipes.

What do you think?

What's Wrong With Me

I've been down a lot lately and I'm not too sure why. Genes maybe? Depression coming back? I hope not - I got put on an anti-depressant my last semester at BYU-Idaho and stayed on it for a while. Then when I went back to working at the cleaners, I was so stressed out. I was at work by 5 or 5:30 most mornings and stayed there until 2, 3 sometimes even 4 or 5. It was hot, muggy and I hated always having to work. I never got to see Adam (we were dating at the time) and when he came over, I was usually asleep. We never went out. I was too tired to. I worked almost every weekend. The boss always wanted off and always came in late. I got tired of getting chewed out for everyone else and that's when the health problems began. They changed my anti-depressant, found out I had a hiatal hernia and that I had the beginnings of gallbladder disease. I also had my wisdom teeth out all in that same time period. The boss got mad that for my gallbladder removal surgery that I had to be off for two weeks and told me he couldn't be too mad at me because I had a doctor's excuse, but I could tell he was quite ticked. I put in my two weeks notice there after my first week of recovery because I dreaded to go back.

Then I went back to the UPS Store as a manager. I thought it was all going to be okay. But felt like I was always getting in trouble there too for things other people did. I guess that's the managers job...to get yelled at for other peoples mistakes...that's how it felt at least. I stayed there a good while as manager. My hernia seemed to dissipate, I got married and then found out I was pregnant. I wasn't planning on quitting until the bitter end of my pregnancy because we needed all the money we could get to save up. The person replacing me was hired and I began training her. She told the boss that I was sick all the time and so he told me that I wasn't to work up front and tend to customers anymore unless there were problems. I was to do my job in the back and train her and I was fine with that at first. Then he told me I was to be completely off the schedule and only come in as needed and to answer my phone for questions. I was in the hospital learning the insulin and diet for my gestational diabetes and got a few calls from her. I was ticked. I told her I was in the hospital and there was nothing I could do, but she called again. I told the boss about that and all he did was tell them not to call me anymore. Needless to say, my last check was only for the time I was on the phone (which wasn't long at all) and it was a total of $18.

I don't really know what to say about not feeling up to par. Perhaps it's because I stay at home all day almost every day with my sweet little boy and don't get out much. If we go to mom and dads house, dad usually ends up in his room, kari and matt in their part of the house and mom is is tired from everything that she falls asleep. I can sit at my own house and be alone. I go over for the interaction and don't get very much of it. I would love to go visit my sister in Lufkin a lot during the week, but she has a job now. We got really close (or at least I think so) after she was married and started having kids. I love her kids like they are my own and hate that they live so far (2 hours) away. It makes it hard to just run up for the day to visit (especially as crazy as her schedule is being a working mom of three). I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere.

A good friend told me that she'd rather have a few really good friends than a lot of acquaintances and I agree with her, but I can say I don't really have a few good friends. I have one. I am tired of two-faced people. Ya know, nice to your face but don't talk to you unless they have to, etc. That's how I feel at church 99% of the time. My moms friends talk to me more than people my own age. I am tired of being two-faced myself. To those people my age that don't really talk to me, I just want to tell them off. And to the people I just really don't like, I really want to tell them off. But I don't and it makes me feel very two-faced.

Growing up, I never really did anything horrible. Perhaps it was the fear of getting caught, or the fear of getting in trouble. It could have been the fear of disappointing my parents. Whatever the reason, I tried to stay out of trouble a lot. Is that why I did the things I did? I go to the LDS church...why you ask? Tonight I would probably tell you I have no clue. To not disappoint my parents or my husband. How do you know it's the right one? Or the true one? Tonight I can tell you I don't know. Maybe that's why I am struggling so much. Maybe that's why I forget to read my scriptures and say my prayers at night. Maybe that's why I hate sitting through three hours of church each Sunday with a one year old that wants to run around and play.

I feel lost and confused and like a bad mom and wife. I don't really talk to Adam about it for fear of disappointing him. Why am I so scared to share my feelings and tell people what I want? I have been all my life. I feel like I have been judged and criticized all my life and I just want it to stop. I want my parents to be proud of me. Really proud of me. I want my mom to spend more time with Parker and with me. I want my siblings to want to hang out with me. I want their spouses not to hate me. I want Adam to come home from work and for us to just talk like we used to. We don't talk anymore. There is always an electronic (tv, ipod, or laptop) in the way from one or both of us. I want my feelings not to be on my sleeve. I just want to be happy.

Why is it that people don't like me? What have I done wrong? Why would Parker rather sit with his uncle than me? Why am I in this funk? Why am I feeling sorry for myself? Why am I even posting this on the blog (probably because I think if I get it off my chest I'll feel better)? Why am I so unhappy?

Cooking...

I absolutely love cooking and baking. Here are the problems with it though...

- I hate grocery shopping
- If I bake, I end up eating most of it - Adam isn't a big fan of sweets
- Everything I cook, it makes a lot and neither one of us likes leftovers - so then I feel it's a big waste and its hard to cut some recipes in half
- Adam is a very picky eater

I would love to be able to give a menu to someone, them go buy the groceries and then bring them home for me to cook for more than just 2 1/2 of us (I do suppose Parker isn't really half, he eats more than Adam and Me combined some days).

At school I cooked for my roommates and their boyfriends from time to time. It was nice because there weren't tons of leftovers and the leftovers we had, were mostly eaten by Bedke. I suppose Jacquie and Ryan need to just move down here so I can cook for them and then Ryan eat all the leftovers. I cook for Kari and Matt every now and then and it's really nice to not have as many leftovers and to have company over.

Any Ideas on what to do?

Quirks

- I like a little salad with my dressing. Sometimes when I ask for extra dressing it still isn't enough.

- I get into organizational and cleaning mode in the evenings.

- I am not a fan of cheese on my hamburger.

- I hate reading books. I think the only books I have read straight through are the twilight series because I know I didn't read books straight through in high school or college.

- I love to cook, but everything I make, we end up with tons of leftovers and I'm not a fan of leftovers.

- I hate cooking for such a picky eater. It seems the menu around here is limited to about 5 things.

- I hate doing dishes and can't wait for the day that I have a dishwasher.

- I like trying all kinds of foods. As long as it doesn't look weird, I'll probably try it.

- I get tired of toys being spread out all over the house, but love that Parker can be content and play by himself so I can get work done.

- I hate putting on a bra - once it's on I don't mind it. (Weird I know - but if I am staying home all day it's normally not on unless males or non-family members show up - TMI?)

- I love hanging out with our friends and wish we could spend time with them every night.

- I love being around family but hate big crowds of people I don't know.

- I am really shy around people I don't know and it takes a while to for me to warm up to people.

- I could eat Mexican food everyday.

- I love the smell of fresh laundry - if I can't smell the detergent, it must not be clean.

- I love getting my hair done and having someone else wash and fix my hair. I wish my hair lady lived closer and that I could afford to pay her to do it every day.

- I hate giving back rubs and massages, but love getting them. (really selfish of me I know)

- I secretly miss the snow and good old days of living in Idaho.

- I love being in the know and want to know what's going on with everyone.

- I am very paranoid about hygiene. I remind Adam in the mornings to brush his teeth for my piece of mind. I know he won't forget, but it makes me feel better.

- I ask people when they come out of the bathroom if they have washed their hands.

- If I am drinking water from a cup it has to have ice, but if I'm drinking it from a bottle I prefer that it is room temperature.

- I don't like it at church when Parker walks around and anyone and everyone will touch him especially his hands because he sticks them in his mouth.

- I haven't had soda in a week and I think I'm going through withdraws.

- I am ready for another baby because I fear if Parker doesn't get a sibling soon, he will continue to be spoiled rotten.

- I think of Caryn's kids as mine own I guess because when she lived closer I was constantly spending time with her and her family.

- I love listening to Parker laugh - even if he is in trouble if he starts laughing, so do I.

- I take up most of the bed at night because I like stretching out and sleeping with one leg straight and the other bent forming sort of a p shape.

Feelings...

I can go all day without eating because I'm not hungry and then in the evenings it's like I can't get enough to satisfy my cravings (maybe it's because I never really can tell what it is I am craving or wanting - but whatever I'm eating isn't it).

I am tired a lot. It's probably because I stay in my house all day almost every day watching a 1 year old (hard to believe he's that old) because it takes so much effort getting him out. My mom always says "how are you going to make it with two" (no I'm not pregnant - I suppose she is just preparing me for when I am). You have to pack the diaper bag - diapers, wipes, toys, books, cups, snacks - then load it in the car and him and he never wants in the car seat so he fights you every time. When you don't do anything it makes you more tired I think.

I am really emotional all the time. I can cry at the drop of a hat - I can get angry in two seconds when something doesn't go my way - I can be frustrated with Parker getting into something and then when he makes his scrunched up "how could you tell me no" face I get a huge smile on my face and can't help but laugh.

I worry a lot - about life, about Parker, about money, about my parents, about my siblings, their kids, about Adam, about his family. Are we going to have enough money to get through the month paying for Adam's grad school? Is Parker going to be okay through the night? Through his nap? When I'm not with him? Are my siblings happy? Are they making it through life okay? Do they need anything and how can I help? How are their kids? Are they making it through school and other activities okay? Do they miss me when I'm gone? Is Adam more stressed than he is acting? Is he keeping stuff from me because he knows how I will react? Does he get disappointed with me? Are his siblings okay? Do they need anything? Are they struggling? What can we do to help? Are his dad and step mom okay? Do they like me? Are there things about me they don't like?

I am disgusted a lot with myself. Why can't I lose 50 lbs? Probably because I can't get motivated to eat right and exercise although I have started and am trying. Why is my face always broken out? Someone could play dot-to-dot on my face it is so bad right now. Why can't my teeth be just a little bit whiter?

I get jealous easily. Parker says da-da all the time and never says ma-ma anymore. He used to. My sisters have thousands of friends. I have a sister-in-law that gets to hang out with her thousands of friends every month. Why is it that I'm not liked? What is so wrong with me? Why can't I have thousands of friends? I go to church and sit with family and then in relief society sit all alone. I have one friend that I hang out with, but why can't I have more? Have I done something wrong?

Baby It's Cold Inside

Poor Baby...It's sooo cold inside I put his gloves on him and when I changed him out of his pjs, I put a clean pair on because he always takes his socks off and this way he cant because he cant get his footy pjs unzipped!

So

the washing machine is leaking into the tub - ugh - it never fails that something is going to go wrong right?

Confession

So after complaining about being poor I bought New Moon today at Target. I wanted something productive to do during Parker's naps and with the movie coming out, I NEED to read it (it's not a want, it's a need!) so I bought it. I felt guilty when I got home and told Adam I would bring it back, but he told me it could be my early Christmas Present.

Now I need to find Parker a yellow shirt...anyone know where to find a blank yellow shirt size 12-18 months? Anyone?

Do you ever feel stressed and depressed about life and things going on. I have been in a mood lately where I haven't wanted to do anything or see anyone. I am just fine with sitting in my living room in my pajamas after a workout and listening to a music channel or two. I don't think that I am falling back into a depression like I was a few years ago in Idaho where I literally sat in my room and slept a lot of the day. I just can't help it I guess. It's not that I'm embarrassed to have people come over to my dirty house, which is lately been kind of tidy and picked up. I just don't know what the deal is.

Then I start thinking about money and I get really depressed. Everything costs so much these days. $70 bucks to get my car registered in the county. $20 here, $5 there. We don't go out and do very many things because of this. Adam's birthday was the first time in months we had been to the theater. At restaurants, I tell Adam to get water instead of his precious Dr Pepper to save 1.50 to 2.50. We try to not go out to eat very often. We used to eat out a lot and I blame that on the fact that Adam is the pickiest eater and I hate cooking for him because everything I want or make, he doesn't like it seems. He does try everything and I give him props for that. But he never gets full off of what I cook because he doesn't like it.

It really sucks when you owe family members money and you can't afford to pay them back.

Or Halloween is coming up and you can't even afford a yellow shirt for your little boy to be Charlie Brown.

Or Christmas is coming and you are trying to think of cheap homemade gifts for everyone because you just can't afford it. Perhaps everyone in the family will be getting things made out of Popsicle sticks this year.

There are days I don't answer my phone because I just don't feel like talking. Sometimes it is because Parker has just gone to sleep in my arms after fighting it for hours it seems and you don't want to make a peep in fear of him waking up. Other times its just not wanting to talk.

You see game shows and talk show hosts giving away so much and you wish "Why couldn't that be me?"

I don't want to be rich. I just want to have enough to get by without being stressed about it.

Adam is in his last semester of school. When he graduates will he stay at Lamar? Will he try to get a higher paying job? What will we do? Will we have to move to Houston or Austin or Dallas or somewhere bigger to get a higher paying job?

I wanted to start trying for another baby soon, but we just can't afford it. Parker's formula is about $100 bucks a month. Plus diapers. We can't afford that for two kids.

There are several families that make less than we do. How do they manage? How do they make it look so easy?

I've worked since I was 16 and then was let go from my job last October because I was pregnant and supposedly sick all the time. I did have several bladder infections throughout my pregnancy and headaches a lot, but that didn't really keep me from working. I feel bad because I'm spending money, but not making any.

I told Adam yesterday that I just wanted to check the mailbox and there be money in it. Not even much. It's like every little bit helps you know? But there was no money. Not even a penny.

Our fridge stays mostly empty. It's not packed and crowded like my parents was growing up or even is now.

It's like you just want to curl up and cry. But you can't.

Private

I am considering making my blog a private blog so if you want to keep up with our family, comment with your email address or email it to me if you don't want it in the comment box!