Feelings...

I can go all day without eating because I'm not hungry and then in the evenings it's like I can't get enough to satisfy my cravings (maybe it's because I never really can tell what it is I am craving or wanting - but whatever I'm eating isn't it).

I am tired a lot. It's probably because I stay in my house all day almost every day watching a 1 year old (hard to believe he's that old) because it takes so much effort getting him out. My mom always says "how are you going to make it with two" (no I'm not pregnant - I suppose she is just preparing me for when I am). You have to pack the diaper bag - diapers, wipes, toys, books, cups, snacks - then load it in the car and him and he never wants in the car seat so he fights you every time. When you don't do anything it makes you more tired I think.

I am really emotional all the time. I can cry at the drop of a hat - I can get angry in two seconds when something doesn't go my way - I can be frustrated with Parker getting into something and then when he makes his scrunched up "how could you tell me no" face I get a huge smile on my face and can't help but laugh.

I worry a lot - about life, about Parker, about money, about my parents, about my siblings, their kids, about Adam, about his family. Are we going to have enough money to get through the month paying for Adam's grad school? Is Parker going to be okay through the night? Through his nap? When I'm not with him? Are my siblings happy? Are they making it through life okay? Do they need anything and how can I help? How are their kids? Are they making it through school and other activities okay? Do they miss me when I'm gone? Is Adam more stressed than he is acting? Is he keeping stuff from me because he knows how I will react? Does he get disappointed with me? Are his siblings okay? Do they need anything? Are they struggling? What can we do to help? Are his dad and step mom okay? Do they like me? Are there things about me they don't like?

I am disgusted a lot with myself. Why can't I lose 50 lbs? Probably because I can't get motivated to eat right and exercise although I have started and am trying. Why is my face always broken out? Someone could play dot-to-dot on my face it is so bad right now. Why can't my teeth be just a little bit whiter?

I get jealous easily. Parker says da-da all the time and never says ma-ma anymore. He used to. My sisters have thousands of friends. I have a sister-in-law that gets to hang out with her thousands of friends every month. Why is it that I'm not liked? What is so wrong with me? Why can't I have thousands of friends? I go to church and sit with family and then in relief society sit all alone. I have one friend that I hang out with, but why can't I have more? Have I done something wrong?

Baby It's Cold Inside

Poor Baby...It's sooo cold inside I put his gloves on him and when I changed him out of his pjs, I put a clean pair on because he always takes his socks off and this way he cant because he cant get his footy pjs unzipped!

Resolutions

According to Wikipedia, a study was done and 52% of people in the study were convinced they could be successful with the resolutions they made. However, only 12% of the people actually were successful.

Grad School

Adam starts Grad School next week. I am very excited for him to be able to start and get finished in a hurry because with this degree he can teach classes at Lamar and get a raise! Unfortunately Uncle Sam decided that Grad Students don't deserve grants, etc so we will have to pay for every class on our own (except for two a year that Lamar will pay - which means they will pay for 3 of the 11 or 12 classes).

It's nothing we can't handle and hopefully until our tax refund gets here, we can get help from family members or little jobs for either of us to make ends meet. I was hoping our tax refund would be spent on fun or go in the savings account for a fun summer vacation, it seems most will go to Adams school.

All I can say is, it better be a good raise in the end!

Sick Baby

I was going to wake up early this morning and exercise and shower before Parker woke up.

That plan got thrown out of the window at 1 am this morning with Parker and I cuddling on the couch together and him barfing all over me and him. Pretty disgusting. I yelled "Adam, Come Now!" about four times before he finally said "I'm coming what's wrong." I hand our nasty barfy child over to him and I clean up the couch and then me and while Adam is cleaning up Parker. By 2 am Parker had throw up about 4 times on my carpet as well (Marie I need your carpet shampooer - hopefully I can get it soon! :) )

Adam wouldn't go back to bed (what a supportive husband). He laid on the ground because the long couch was still wet from my attempts to clean it up and I slept on the love seat with Parker. He slept on the floor a little while too because he couldn't get comfortable and neither could I. He barfed again at 5ish or so and then went back to sleep and woke up at 7 or so dry heaving. It was so not fun. Luckily Matt came over around 1 so I could shower (thanks Matt!) and I feel a lot better. Parker is walking around and playing like normal. Hopefully it's just the same little bug that I had on New Years Eve and hopefully three nights from now we won't have to do it again with Adam. I hope no one else gets it either. Adam's sister was up all night too I hear (we visited them yesterday...)

I want these cute decorations and supplies for Parker's first Birthday Party...They are his monkey - the ones that inspired his room, bedding, etc...

However, Adam says they are too expensive especially since we will have to pay for shipping but our local party has these...

Curious George is still cute. But it's not the same! But we don't want to spend tons of money on a party that he won't even remember!


We already bought this...

I need to make some to test it out to make sure the monkey comes out.

It's 2010!

We had a dull New Years Eve. Up at 9:30 with Parker. Back down for a nap from 1-4 with Parker (he wouldn't nap in his bed - the little stinker). At fiveish my stomach started killing me. I was so sick to my stomach. Adam left to go get him and Parker food. I stayed home in fear of being to far from the porcelain palace. Around 6:30 or so the fun began. I haven't puked in 2 years and here I was. All I could do was lay down on our bed in fear of puking again. Adam kept taking Parker out the front door to see the fireworks everyone else was shooting off. When they came back inside Parker would cry and point to the door to go back out. I puked about 4 more times in the night and Adam was up with Parker from about 3:30 to 6:00 or so. He stayed on the couch and finally came back to bed around 9.

Today I have eaten half a cracker and been able to hold down 1/2 a can of sprite zero. I'm too scared to eat anything else, but chicken noodle soup is starting to sound good.

And NO I'm not pregnant! :) Thank you Have a nice day!