Saturday, October 17, 2009

Do you ever feel stressed and depressed about life and things going on. I have been in a mood lately where I haven't wanted to do anything or see anyone. I am just fine with sitting in my living room in my pajamas after a workout and listening to a music channel or two. I don't think that I am falling back into a depression like I was a few years ago in Idaho where I literally sat in my room and slept a lot of the day. I just can't help it I guess. It's not that I'm embarrassed to have people come over to my dirty house, which is lately been kind of tidy and picked up. I just don't know what the deal is.

Then I start thinking about money and I get really depressed. Everything costs so much these days. $70 bucks to get my car registered in the county. $20 here, $5 there. We don't go out and do very many things because of this. Adam's birthday was the first time in months we had been to the theater. At restaurants, I tell Adam to get water instead of his precious Dr Pepper to save 1.50 to 2.50. We try to not go out to eat very often. We used to eat out a lot and I blame that on the fact that Adam is the pickiest eater and I hate cooking for him because everything I want or make, he doesn't like it seems. He does try everything and I give him props for that. But he never gets full off of what I cook because he doesn't like it.

It really sucks when you owe family members money and you can't afford to pay them back.

Or Halloween is coming up and you can't even afford a yellow shirt for your little boy to be Charlie Brown.

Or Christmas is coming and you are trying to think of cheap homemade gifts for everyone because you just can't afford it. Perhaps everyone in the family will be getting things made out of Popsicle sticks this year.

There are days I don't answer my phone because I just don't feel like talking. Sometimes it is because Parker has just gone to sleep in my arms after fighting it for hours it seems and you don't want to make a peep in fear of him waking up. Other times its just not wanting to talk.

You see game shows and talk show hosts giving away so much and you wish "Why couldn't that be me?"

I don't want to be rich. I just want to have enough to get by without being stressed about it.

Adam is in his last semester of school. When he graduates will he stay at Lamar? Will he try to get a higher paying job? What will we do? Will we have to move to Houston or Austin or Dallas or somewhere bigger to get a higher paying job?

I wanted to start trying for another baby soon, but we just can't afford it. Parker's formula is about $100 bucks a month. Plus diapers. We can't afford that for two kids.

There are several families that make less than we do. How do they manage? How do they make it look so easy?

I've worked since I was 16 and then was let go from my job last October because I was pregnant and supposedly sick all the time. I did have several bladder infections throughout my pregnancy and headaches a lot, but that didn't really keep me from working. I feel bad because I'm spending money, but not making any.

I told Adam yesterday that I just wanted to check the mailbox and there be money in it. Not even much. It's like every little bit helps you know? But there was no money. Not even a penny.

Our fridge stays mostly empty. It's not packed and crowded like my parents was growing up or even is now.

It's like you just want to curl up and cry. But you can't.

7 comments:

Sarah Fruge said...

Why can't you curl up and cry? Sometimes that is what you need to make you feel better. It makes me feel better sometimes. I know how you feel. I've never been a depressed person, but ever since my c-section and now with this surgery I feel depressed cause I can't do much. I'm used to doing everything, and now I can't. You are welcome to come to my house and we could be depressed together. :) Hopefully you'll feel better soon, and me too. ;) Let me know if I can do anything. Who do you have for Christmas? I think it's us isn't it? If it is don't worry about getting us anything.

Brandon and Rachel Odom said...

Kim, have you looked into couponing? You can save so much money, and it's a nice hobby if you don't want to go socialize. Have you seen if you qualify for WIC yet?

Kimberly said...

Thanks Sarah! We might take you up on that one day!

Rachel, I've heard about all the great deals people get with coupons and stuff like that but have not tried it myself. I totally need to though. I'm sure we would because we qualified for medicaid, but just hadn't done it. Partially because he is on enfamil and wic uses similac and didn't know how he would do on similac. We go to the doctor Tuesday and I'm going to ask him about vitamin d milk to see if we can switch to that.

Laurie said...

reading your blog, made me think of my life. especially when i read about how you know people are worse off. I was just talking about that with Aaron. people do make it seem so easy. we know a lot of people would love to be in our place, but its still hard for me especially when im used to go shopping for anything i want when i want.
you can ask your doc for a prescpition for enfamil to give to wic. we are about to try that with Landon. hes on nestle good start and they never send out coupons.i nurse much longer. i am never able to keep up with what he needs.
also go to hip2save.blogspot.com thats where i get almost all my good couponing ideas. a few months ago i got 17 boxes of cereal plus some more stuff for less than $7.

Amanda N Jeremy Page said...

Hey Kim, I know how you feel, trust me I do. The feeling of depression is a few hopeless feeling. I have not told any family yet but in the past year Doctors have told me that I have depression problems. There are those days or weeks that I don't leave the house at all. But, then you got to step back and count your blessings that you do have. Saving money is so hard, I know, I have the problem that everytime it starts going good the next thing I know something big happens like the car breaks down or something that cost alot. Try coupons I started to save them and try to save. Also, look for coupons or website of the resturants you eat at. I did hat for the resturants here in GA and I get coupons for Ruby Tuesday and Quizono Subs.

Brandon and Rachel Odom said...

If you have medicaid, you automatically get WIC. We had to get a prescription for Z and Z's formula when they were in the hospital, and WIC took it with no problems at all. Ask your doc. for one!

Ryan and Jacquie said...

I LOVE YOU KIM!